The pain of a broken heart is like no other. It is, for some, one of the most difficult things one has to go through; and they are especially hard when they seem to come out of nowhere.
We have ALL been there. We’ve all been hurt. Everyone goes through it, and more importantly, everyone gets through it. You are not alone, and the feelings that you’re feeling will not stay forever; no matter how much it feels like they will.
There are very important concepts to remember and come to terms with when going through a breakup, and it’s so important to have the patience to understand that they take time. Growth takes time.
So, having been through the worst of a broken heart, having grown so much from what I’d gone through, I want to share the things I’ve learned; and the things that I’m still learning and still coming to terms with. They’re not easy pills to swallow. Looking back now, I wish someone would’ve drilled it into my head to listen to these concepts and pursue them. But what I’ve learned is that no one can do it but you.
The first step is cutting communication. Stop texting, calling and talking to them right away. Trying to have them be a part of your healing process will create a mess, and you do not want a mess. When all is said and done, when the decision has been made: do yourself a favor, and just stop the communication. Take them off social media, delete the conversations you had saved. You will thank yourself in the long run. It’s one thing to ease out of the routine of talking to them all day everyday, it is another thing to hold on to them being there, psyching yourself out of it being over between you. There is a fine line between the two.
That being said, the second step is knowing your worth. Never settle; and do NOT beg. If someone wants to be in your life, they will be. They won’t do anything to sabotage the chance of being in your life in whatever way possible. It is your job to know your worth and know what you deserve— all that you deserve. If someone chooses to not see you for what you are, value your worth, or treat you the way you deserve, let them leave. Life is too short to use your precious time and energy on people who don’t choose you. You are very deserving, and very worthy. Never forget that, and never settle for anyone or anything.
Cutting communication and knowing your worth help your process of healing, but who says they make it hurt any less? The hurt is something you can’t get around. Which is why the third step is letting yourself feel all of the emotions that you do, and acknowledging them. Feel your feelings. Don’t push anything away, don’t hide anything, don’t try to talk yourself out of feeling whatever you’re feeling. They are all justified and valid. You will learn a lot about yourself, and a lot about the people you’re surrounded by in times of need like this. Communicating and talking about how you feel is crucial… even if you prefer not to say them out loud. Keep a journal. Write things down; your thoughts, your feelings. In the wise words of author John Green, “pain demands to be felt.” Don’t try to get around it, or push it away pretending like it’s not there. If you try to bottle everything up, it becomes a matter of time until you explode. Time can and will heal, only after you face things head on.
Human connection and relationships are very complex. When they end, or when life gets in the way and messes them up, it can feel like the end of the world. The final step of the process is constantly reminding yourself that it’s not, and that life goes on. It’s hard not to be in control. It’s hard to let things go, especially when they mean so much to you at one point or another. It’s hard to let things be. But we just have to; because life keeps going. You don’t want to stay stuck in a bad place, or stuck wishing for things that aren’t meant for you right now. You cannot miss out on what is meant for you. I truly believe that.
Accept that this happened for a reason, take a breath, and start to move forward. You owe it to yourself to find who you are and what’s meant for you. The past is the past; what’s done is done. Just keep pushing through. Focus on what you have instead of what you don’t, and believe that it will be better—that you will get better. You will be stronger because of this. Never forget that.